Domestic Violence is a pattern of abusive behaviors used by one individual to control or exert power over another individual in the context of an intimate relationship.
- Pattern – a wide variety of abusive behaviors that often increase in frequency and intensity over time
- Abusive Behaviors – Include, but not limited to, verbal assaults and threats, emotional abuse, including intimidation and isolation, physical and sexual assaults, the use of weapons, the destruction of property, and violence toward others significant to the victim.
- Controlling or exerting power over another – ongoing behavior on the part of the abuser in relationships designed to maintain power over the partner(s)
- Intimate relationship – a relationship between two individuals that is or has previously been intended to provide emotional and or physical intimacy
Domestic violence stems from a desire to gain and maintain power and control over an intimate partner. Abusive people believe they have the right to control and restrict their partner’s lives, often either because they believe their own feelings and needs should be the priority in the relationship, or because they enjoy exerting the power that such abuse gives them.
Abuse is a learned behavior. Some people witness it in their own families growing up; others learn it slowly from friends, popular culture, or structural inequities throughout our society. No matter where they develop such behaviors, those who commit abusive acts make a choice in doing so — they also could choose not to.
Who can be a Victim of Domestic Violence?
Definitions of domestic violence recognize that victims can include anyone, regardless of socioeconomic background, education level, race, age, sexual orientation, religion, or gender. Domestic violence was formerly referred to as wife abuse. However, this term was abandoned when the definition domestic violence was changed to reflect that wives are not the only ones who can fall victim to domestic violence.
The definition of domestic violence now recognizes that victims can be:
Spouse – Ex-spouse
Sexual/Dating/Intimate partners
Family members – parents, stepparents, children, brothers, sisters, in-laws who reside in the same home,
any individual who has a child in common
Any individual who cohabits, or within the previous 12 months cohabited with the person
Many people think that a victim of domestic violence can only obtain a protective order against their spouse. This is actually a myth. Most states allow victims of abusive cohabitant lovers to obtain protective orders (also referred to as temporary restraining orders or emergency protective orders). Some states allow victims of abusive adult relatives, roommates, or even non-cohabitating partners to obtain protective orders.
The definition of domestic violence now recognizes that victims can be:
Spouse – Ex-spouse
Sexual/Dating/Intimate partners
Family members – parents, stepparents, children, brothers, sisters, in-laws who reside in the same home,
any individual who has a child in common
Any individual who cohabits, or within the previous 12 months cohabited with the person
Many people think that a victim of domestic violence can only obtain a protective order against their spouse. This is actually a myth. Most states allow victims of abusive cohabitant lovers to obtain protective orders (also referred to as temporary restraining orders or emergency protective orders). Some states allow victims of abusive adult relatives, roommates, or even non-cohabitating partners to obtain protective orders.
How can I support a friend or loved one
that I believe is in a domestic violence relationship?
- Acknowledge that their situation is difficult, scary, and brave of them to regain control from – It is not easy to disclose or talk about domestic violence and their partner being abusive.
- Do not judge their decisions – This may not be the right time for them to leave. They know their situation best.
- Do not tell the victim what to do – We like to empower people with knowledge and allow them to make the decision that is best for them.
- Do not speak poorly of the abusive partner – Remember even if they are “hating” this person or situation in this moment this person is their partner. If we speak poorly of them, it appears we are judging the choices the victim has made. It is okay to acknowledge that what the person is doing is abuse or not okay. Address the act not the person.
- Offer resources – Be careful to ensure it is safe for them to receive information and that they want the information.
- Remember that you cannot “rescue them,” and that decisions about their lives are up to them to make.
If you would like additional information on how to support someone that is in an abusive relationship please call our hotline
800-825-8876
800-825-8876
National Domestic Violence Hotline
Highly-trained advocates are available 24/7/365 to talk confidentially with anyone experiencing domestic violence, seeking resources or information, or questioning unhealthy aspects of their relationship.
1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY)
1-800-799-7233 | 1-800-787-3224 (TTY)
The Action Alliance, a diverse group of individuals and organizations, believes that ALL people have the right to a life free of sexual and domestic violence.
We will use our diverse and collective voice to create a Virginia free from sexual and domestic violence—inspiring others to join and support values of equality, respect and shared power.
We recognize that sexual and domestic violence are linked to other forms of oppression, which disproportionately affect women, children, and marginalized people.
Understanding the great harm racism has created for individuals, families and our communities in Virginia, we commit to building within the coalition an anti-racist framework from which to address sexual and domestic violence.
We will use our diverse and collective voice to create a Virginia free from sexual and domestic violence—inspiring others to join and support values of equality, respect and shared power.
We recognize that sexual and domestic violence are linked to other forms of oppression, which disproportionately affect women, children, and marginalized people.
Understanding the great harm racism has created for individuals, families and our communities in Virginia, we commit to building within the coalition an anti-racist framework from which to address sexual and domestic violence.
Toll-free hotline 1.800.838.8238
LGBTQ Helpline: 1.866.356.6998
